Well, it's official. I can't take crowds of people listening to music anymore unless I'm in front of them. By gosh I've tried over the last few years and I think I'm going to settle on a stalemate as to whether or not I fit in anywhere and I think I'm fine with that. It's an interesting thing to observe, groups of people enjoying different types of music, mostly because there's a whole lot of horseshit involved that people tend to cover up with feelings and ritualistic unthinking repetition. Let me explain...
If you talk about dancing with certain people they liken the experience to free form movement, a sort of conduit to the soul. It's an expression of the body and mind in a cathartic purging of emotion solicited by the type of music you're listening to at the moment It's a visualization of the music form, a type of occular tapestry only conjured up by some crazy sounds arranged together and then decrypted in the mind to produce what is known as "dancing". But if that's true then how come you never see anyone landing the condor at a hardcore show or no one picking up the change at a folk fest? I mean, if the music just spurns your desire to dance, why is it so singular in form from genre to genre or event to event? The answer is that it's not, people don't dance at music events to be individuals, they do it to fit in and look as stupid or as cool as everyone else. You rarely see anyone doing the electric slide in the club anymore (although I do know some good ole boys who can two-step to just about anything).
At one of the last shows my band played at Amigos a couple of muscley, polo-shirted chaps were really digging our band. The front row was basically full of our friends and family with a few new faces, which is always awesome, and the vibe was very punk-rock. For those who don't know, the regular behaviour of a punk rock attendee at a sparse show is simply a crossed armed, wide-legged stance with a nodding head. Simple stuff for a music goer. The odd shadow dancer can be found if the mood so strikes, but that's usually it. In between our songs the two fellows asked us if they wanted US to have THEM "fuck some shit up in the pit" for the next song, to which I simply replied "no". In my brain I wanted to sit them down and explain how awful it would be if you ruined everyone else's experience by wrinkling the soft fabric of punk rock patronage we had going, but there was not enough time of course. Instead, I just followed it with a "do want you want guys". After all, I hate it when the singer tells me what to do at a concert. They immediately looked confused, like for a second there was no construct to their behaviour in that situation. What was it that they wanted to do? They could do anything, the sky was the limit. I think it hurt their thinking goo so much that they meandered away in a haze of confusion. Either that or we started to suck as I was very drunk at the time.
Well now that we've once again established my allegiance to the fun police, lets have a look at some of my favourite groups of people enjoying music!
Hippies
Without any cadence or respect for rhythm at all your typical hippie dancer is just letting it all hang out with careless abandon, except for the constant nagging suspicion that the person to their left looks far more flailed. In that case the hippie must out flap the other. Dances of note : Landing the condor, unintentional musk aeration.
Hardcore Kids
Hardcore kids need plenty of space to pretend fight air-enemies in a mosh pit. Think of the most unorganized karate dojo in the world with an instructor wearing New Balance sneakers and mesh gym shorts telling all his students to "wake up" even though its clear that no one could sleep through all the low D chugging and cookie monster vocals. Dances of Note : Picking up the change, mule kicks and Billy Blanks deep knee reps.
Christian Rock Fans
With their eyes closed and palms to the sky no other group of music fans is more indistinguishable than Christian Rock lovers. Half the point of going to a show is to actually look at the musicians playing music, but that doesn't deter these fun loving worshippers from doing exactly what the person next to them is doing in order to stay with the pack. I think it would be a funny joke for a Christian Band to start playing to a tape, wait till everyone goes into closed-eye fan mode and then leave the stage with only their clothes and guitars left behind. You'd blow their fucking minds after the song finished every night! Dances of note : Tickling the clouds, the breezy sway of christ.
Someday I will definitely make a part two to this list but I thought it would be enough for ample comparison. The next time you're at any kind of show take a second and have a good look at the crowd and you'll find it to be sometimes more entertaining than the band. If you need me I'll be at home being a jaded fuck and listening to music on my headphones while remaining completely still.
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