You Are An Obsession

Whenever I get together with my friend Andy one of our favourite topics of discussion is obsessions.  We both share the same characteristic flaw (and I do consider it a flaw) where we get absolutely consumed with some trend or activity or tangible object so much to the point that it affects our day to day life.  All of these obsessions are mostly pretty harmless other than the utter distraction which is part of the parcel.  About a year and a half ago all we could think about were vans, like the old swanky automobiles, not the shoes (which was recently a small obsession I had).  We'd spend afternoons driving alleys looking for old beauties grown over with grass, convincing ourselves that we could fix tires and rust spots.  I luckily got the monkey off my back and moved on to the next obsession but Andy did end up getting himself a nice van which he still loves to this day.

Black Thunder.  Forged with Mjolnir in the fires of Surtur

For me , and this has been true since I was sixteen, my main obsession is with guitars.  I have always loved and yearned for numerous, different guitars with the obsession constantly changing rapidly without any warning.  And when I want them, I want them right now.  I am sometimes startled at how irrational the obsession is, hell I don't even like playing guitar that much.  My ability to focus on anything in my life is completely compromised when I've got my heart set on owning a new unit.  In an exercise to help alleviate some of my withdrawal symptoms, I present to you my top five list of guitars I am currently obsessed with right now.

Number 5:  ESP Eclipse (Vintage finish with a Bigsby tremolo)

This little dandy has everything I need in a shredder at home.  Ripping, heavy ESP sound and a great tremolo to mortar the odd dive bomb at the end of a noodle.  I have chubsy fingers and having a beautiful metal-vibe guitar with a thin neck around comes in extremely handy for recording and finger practice.  Great dark and gold tones on this beast as well. It looks like the guitar an Egyptian pharaoh would own.

Number 4:  Ernie Ball Albert Lee Signature Model

I've owned my fair share of Strats (Fender Stratocaster) in my day and I always end up hating them.  There's something about looking down on a Strat that just annoys the hell out of me, and don't get me started on those thin glassy sounds I have no use for.  Ernie Ball offers many Strat-ish offerings that, to me, are of better quality and sound.  I never really had a boner for this guitar until I saw that Nick Diener of The Swellers uses one.  That immediately gave the Albert Lee some serious rock cred.  Well I guess Albert Lee himself should probably as well.  Hyok!

Number 3:  Gibson Les Paul Traditional Pro

I'm a Les Paul man through and through.  For me they are the best playing and best sounding guitars on the market and the new Traditional models are superb.  The reason why I'm particularly obsessed with this model is because it was the one that got away on me.  My white whale.  You see, these particular guitars are exclusive to the huge American guitar store chain Guitar Center and during a stop in Las Vegas I had the chance to play one.  The clerk asked me what I liked and I said Les Pauls, to which he replied, "I have the best sounding and best playing Les Paul you'll ever put your hands on".  He was right.  It sounded like a chainsaw and played like gossamer silk all at the same time.  I passed on it and regret it to this day.

Number 2:  Gretsch Black Penguin

Dear Christ what a great looking guitar.  I've never been much for huge semi-hollow bodied guitars but I've always liked the dick on Gretsch White Falcons.  They're big and majestic and sound terrific but always a bit big for me to wank out on.  Then I discovered this mythical flightless bird and have gazed at it from my computer screen for hours.  I just recently acquired a Gretsch Power Jet (which I may or may not have made love to at this point) and now I'm hungry for more.  The day will come when I own this hot rod and I will definitely wear a bolo tie every time I pick it up.

Number 1 (Dant da da da):  Gibson Les Paul Buckethead Signature Model

Let me start by saying that I'm not at all into Buckethead, but I certainly appreciate his amazing skill and personality as a guitar player.  Somehow he's taken my ideal look of a guitar and applied it to a Les Paul Model with all the amenities and parts that I love.  It's a little oversized to match my ponderous bulk and big head, the white is so stark and bold that it really catches the eye and it has fuckin' arcade killswitches on the body to mute the output!  I think this guitar is punk as shit and was custom made for me.  It should be called the Gibson Les Paul Dan Smalldinkski signature model.  Hell I'd wear FULL bucket of KFC on my head to get one of these gems.

So there you have it, my list of guitars that I'm obsessing about.  If you're not into guitars please use the words above as an example of how bananas I am.  You're welcome.